The Magdalene Conspiracy: There’s Something About Mary

Mary Magdelene is not someone who permeates my every waking thought. But she does yank my philosophical chain. Mary Magdalene was one of the more interesting characters in the Bible. But I was never into the Bible. Didn’t or couldn’t relate. It felt rigged somehow. And it wasn’t until later in life that I discovered how rigged it really was. Believe what you want.

Me? I’m bored with beliefs. Bored with my own tired interpretation of stuff that’s already happened, stuff that is just over. Way over. So don’t get me started on the story of Mary Magdalene. What we don’t seem to get is that this is ALL a story. Your life, my life. Her life. Yet we hold on to our stories, build houses, prisons and religions around them, store them in elaborate filing systems, both real and imagined. And call them up when we want to prove our points. Cause we love to prove our points, don’t we? And if there were one point I’d like to prove?

Here’s one: That the need to be right about what I believe, or what you believe for that matter, feels like a complete waste of time, as far as I’m concerned. That would be a feeling though, wouldn’t it, not a point! I’ve noticed something. You may have noticed this too. Beliefs separate us from each other. And this too, is a belief. I believe I’m on to something. Like a crusading warrior with sword in hand, I stand for a world where we can all live side-by-side, in the presence and tension of seemingly opposite beliefs. But alas, I am felled by compromise, the paradoxical surprise-ending that leaves me feeling flat, whored up and talked down, from the ingratiating security of righteousness. Because no one likes compromise. Feels like a concession. Feels like you’ve lost, you’re a failure, a loser. I wanna know what we get when we can tolerate each other’s points of view and maybe even consider that BOTH could be “true!”

Anyway, back to Mary. If she’s all that western civilization has left of the feminine principle, then so be it. What about all this Da Vinci Code, pseudo-scientific research that attempts to link her DNA with the DNA of Jesus, no his last name isn’t Christ?! What is it that we’re so desperately trying to discover? That we’ve somehow gotten it wrong these last two thousand years? Well. Look around. What do you think?

Even with that, you’d be left with your own interpretation.  I’m just not surprised about any of this either. It’s about time that we woke up to the reality that there simply is NO truth! Oops, is that a belief?? I guess it is. Oh well, can’t seem to get around that one! I thought this was going to be about the Goddess, the Feminine Principle and the annihilation of all values which honor nature, balance, harmony. I don’t know. Which do you prefer? Domination, pain, war, scarcity, hunger and competition? Or love, peace, pleasure, abundance and collaboration? Do you REALLY have to think about that one?

If you got to choose, I mean really choose, a place to live from, as in the fuel that makes you go, which would you choose? Do you believe it’s possible? Does it matter? Everyone seems so interested in finding answers. I’m more interested in the questions. But I guess this whatever-this-is is a bit of a give-away, eh?

I like stories, I really do. Especially when they are presented as a way to connect to something I feel deep inside myself. Like a “knowing.” Not like a belief. A knowing. What’s the difference, you might ask? Well, for me it’s about trusting my body’s wisdom, which is a very feminine gift, I’m told. Ever notice what Christianity has taught us to believe about our own bodies? Evil, already bad, to be mastered and battered and fixed and changed and injected, cinched, squeezed, and denied. When was it exactly we started telling ourselves that pleasure was a bad thing? I’d like to go back and re-write that day.

We’re taught not to trust. Our selves or each other. Is it possible for us to maybe find a compromise here? I don’t want to get into an argument about theological history. I know I’d lose. And that’s okay. And I certainly don’t want to get you mad, because I was taught good little girls don’t do that!  But what if we pretended, just pretended, that the Bible wasn’t written by God, but by men who wanted to create a better world, yes, but also wanted to exert some power not just over other people, but also their wives? Because, you know, maybe they were really, frankly, well, just kind of scared of them. And what if the story could be brought up to date, just a little?

So here you go. There’s this really wise young man who from an early age, felt an intense love and compassion for the world and all things in it. Animals, plants, rocks, people, all of it. And he wandered the planet learning from all the great spiritual masters and practitioners who either walked the planet at the same time or learned from the greatest storytellers about how to live in peace and create a world that works for everyone, for the benefit EVERYONE. Not just those that believed. Along the way he also finds out that this world is really not as we see it, but actually a reflection of our own thoughts and the end result of how we’ve lived up till now. Right now. And what if he returns to his homeland to share all that he has learned? And he meets this really exotic and very powerful young woman who is not a stranger at all, to all things worldly. And she is shameless, because she understands that shame, along with dogma, is a control mechanism meant to keep her and all women like her, in their place. She too, was brought up in the traditions that expand spirit, not corral it. The young man sees her gift to the world and understands they are meant to teach together, all the secrets human kind ever cared to know. And they love each other. A lot. Fast forward. Barry White music plays in the background, and in the words of Barry, “they get it on.” And it is good. Oh yeah, baby. Cosmic orgasm of the first order. Lo and behold, they wed and have children and celebrate life in the traditions they hold most dear. They teach others how to treat people and animals and rocks and things. And the world appreciates it until some believe that this information must be controlled so that a profit can be made…

And that my friends, leads us right back to the story we all know. But let’s say the story didn’t leave the part out about the great sex. And the kids. And all the other great teachings. And that life was meant to be enjoyed and shared, not suffered through. Mary, at last, could find her rightful place in the pantheon of stories. What if the great creation story of western civilization didn’t start with Eve being ridiculously carved out of Adam’s rib. But instead, that they evolved, yes, evolved together, as a team. Both the masculine AND the feminine dance together, eat together, pray together, have sex together, go to school together… I HAVE A DREAM! Oops sorry, I digress…

And what if we all spoke the same language, the human language of love and compassion? That would be the Mary I’d like to know and love. And even Jesus would start looking more attractive to me as well. Up till now though, I’ve just seen him as the start of a lot of fighting and righteous arguing about what we should and shouldn’t be doing. This story, (or one like it) I believe, must now be told, before we lose our way. It’s a story that changes, like we do. As human beings that are continuously growing and learning and opening up more and more to the Mystery of All that Is. I’m a skeptic to all things written in stone. It’s a story that comes alive every time you hear it. Something else gets created out of the nothing and the story evolves to reflect the wisdom that each era needs to hear.

Here’s another belief I have that I’d like to share. That if we didn’t have religious laws, we actually would come to know, from a very deep place within us, that we know what works and how to treat people and all living things. I know this is radical. But I like being a radical and I love change. I guess that’s what makes me dangerous in a world that wants more and more to turn the clock back on itself. The feminine Principle is ALL about change. I like that. We could move from beliefs to guiding principles. We could share our personal truths as that, just our personal truths. Leave the greater truths for those quiet moments as we gaze upon a sunset or watch a child being born. I know I’m Pollyanna. It’s a character flaw that comes with being an optimist. But here’s the thing. We all get to choose. So what story do you choose to live by?

It’s a Big Ol’ Lie. Don’t Believe It!

There’s a lie being told to you these days.  It sounds different to different people but it’s a lie, nonetheless.  Almost everyone is telling it and may not even realize they are perpetrating the same lie because it sounds different on different people’s lips and it goes deep.  Very deep.  The lie is attempting to convince us of one thing:  That we are so polarized as a nation right now that nothing is possible.  We can’t talk to one another.  We can’t carry on a civilized discourse.  We can’t, we can’t, we can’t.  The other part of the lie says this:  We should only speak with the people we agree with and we should only listen to those who believe the same things we do.

I actually began to believe this lie myself.  When a dear friend got up and began to walk away from a political conversation he thought he’d had many times before with me, a conversation that by all accounts could have easily gone “as usual,” I almost let the conversation come to its usual abrupt end.  But this time, something inside me woke up.  I noticed my own resignation, disappointment and internal voice saying, “why bother?”  We’ll just agree to disagree.  Isn’t that what most people do nowadays?  Isn’t it considered impolite to talk about sex, politics and religion?  How is it that the things we care about most in life are the things we have socially sworn off limits? What is wrong with this picture?

While it was extremely uncomfortable and emotionally charged, I chose to say something that had been brewing inside me for a long time.  The best part about this interchange is my friend is open and there’s a lot of collateral between us.  One disagreement will not destroy the relationship.  So, I chose to speak up, realizing that I might be at risk of losing the relationship. What came out of my mouth was not particularly graceful or eloquent or “ego-free.”  But the exchange did require me to examine what was really happening here– in my home, in my community and in the nation.

The way I see it, we have been lulled into believing that as a nation we are so polarized, so divided by our language, by our beliefs, by our politics that we can no longer find the middle ground and the civility to examine our definitions, our assumptions and our world views.  We are so inundated by pundits and papers, tweets and posts, blogs and talk radio that we only listen to the experts who validate our points of view.  To a large degree, many would say, “yes, that’s MY experience!”  And this is where our perception becomes our reality.  All the evidence points to a nation divided, a community stalled by seemingly opposing moral foundations.  This is the lie.  This is the illusion.

There’s a larger truth at work here, but it takes courage to bring it forth.  It takes courage to stop the cycle of thinking our broken-in, comfy thoughts and to stop reacting to what’s going on around us as if our problems were actually “out there.”  The opportunity before us is to realize that whatever we experience “out there,” is simply a reflection of what’s going on within us.  Okay, okay, I know that may be asking a lot so let’s start with something smaller.  The first step to take is to recognize that no one is speaking the same language.  We’re navigating our paths with maps designed by our own personal set of assumptions that shape everything we see, hear, feel and experience.   Yes, we may share English as a common language, but we’re not engaged in the same conversation.  We’ve hypnotized ourselves into believing that by using the same words, we’re actually communicating.

The second step is to practice compassion with ourselves when we are triggered by something someone says.  Face it.  Usually we respond by thinking we have to justify and defend our point of view, right?  We love to be right and we’ll go to the ends of the earth to prove that we are.  This more than anything else has cemented this notion in our heads that we are polarized.  But… if we DARE give up our notions of being right, POOF! The polarity disappears!  Get it?

The third step is to acknowledge how resigned you already are.  If you don’t care enough to engage any more, especially with the people who don’t agree with you, you’re resigned.  Let’s instead dare to engage the resignation of polarization.

The fourth step I think is best demonstrated from a quote the real Dalai Lama:

“I must emphasize that merely thinking about compassion and reason and patience will not be enough to develop them. We must wait for difficulties to arise and then attempt to practice them.

And who creates such opportunities? Not our friends, of course, but our enemies. They are the ones who give us the most trouble.

So if we truly wish to learn, we should consider enemies to be our best teachers.

For a person who cherishes compassion and love, the practice of tolerance is essential, and for that, an enemy is indispensable.

So we should feel grateful to our enemies, for it is they who can best help us develop a tranquil mind. Also, it is often the case in both personal and public life, that with a change in circumstances, enemies become friends.

So anger and hatred are our real enemies. These are the forces we most need to confront and defeat, not the temporary enemies who appear intermittently throughout life.”

I think he says it all.  When we take on this practice of compassion, particularly with those who may not appear to align with the fundamental beliefs we hold so dear, the real work begins.  Better yet, the real adventure!  Remember, polarity is an illusion, a lie.  The greater truth is that we can refuse to participate in the attempts made by those who would rather divide us than unite us.  The more workable reality is that we can choose to be curious, examine our own beliefs and look for the common ground in every interaction. The next time you feel yourself closing when views are being expressed that are not your own, I dare you- – make that double dare you– to turn that closing inside out, to unfold into the reality-altering possibility of staying open.

I Am Not…

 

I am not the white woman you see before you

 

or the Jewish Holocaust survivor

 

but I have felt the chains of bondage

 

and the whipping stings of oppression.

 

 

I am not the starving Ethiopian child

 

or the fat cat oil tycoon

 

but I have hungered for justice for a millennium or more

 

and torched the fertile fields of my brothers.

 

I have the blood of my victims on my hands

 

and stolen purity and innocence from children.

  

 

I know my perpetrator well, for I stand in a long

 

line of victims in-waiting,

 

our agreements to dance this dance

 

made soon after the Big Bang.

 

 

 I am a soul older than earth herself and

 

I cannot be contained by the historical flesh

 

that marks this life or that.

 

I am not white or black,

 

red or brown.

 

 I am differentiated soul stuff

 

Light reflecting more slowly than you thought possible,

 

Vibrating illusion so you can see me,

 

feel me and call me by “a name.”

 

 

But I am not that name either.

 

I am not Muslim, Jew or Catholic.

 

And yet I am all of these and more.

 

 

 

I have danced the right handed

 

spinning of the Sufis and tested my strength

 

through faithful fasting.

 

I have torn the flesh of my hands and knees

 

making holy pilgrimage and

 

I have hung from several crosses.

 

 

But I am not my worshipping poses

 

or chants of sacred texts.

 

I am not pleasure or pain and yet,

 

those are the sensations I yearn for.

 

This flesh, I know, thinks too small.

 

This flesh wants only to live, to stay

 

in this sensual container for as long as I dream,

 

attaching itself like a parasite to the ticking of the clock.

 

 

 

For my faith is simply rhythm and body

 

and presence and thought

 

making consequences.

 

Not good. Not evil.

 

Simply cause. Simply effect.

 

 

I cause to know myself better,

 

to see the consequences of my choices

 

And to tune in to others resonating

 

in harmony or dissonance to my tuning fork.

 

And I know all of you.

 

Not as you appear before me now.

 

But as the same slow light dangling from a silver string.

 

I know you beyond your beliefs, beyond your illness

 

and childish stories of victory and defeat.

 

 

And in that place beyond feeling,

 

we dance.

 

In that place beyond hearing,

 

we sing.

 

In that deep knowing of who we truly are,

 

we love.

---

Stranger

Who would I be if I met myself as I would a stranger, with fresh eyes,
unaccustomed to the endless rattling judgment?
I say, I no longer see myself as I was before,
wrapped in identity and expectation of a life that should be this or that.

I say, this person is bolder, mellower, funnier and more forgiving.
I say, this person dares to stretch beyond the comfortable sufficiency of the day.
And her face reflects that wisdom, –more lines yes, and a brighter sparkle behind the eyes as well.
The joints may be rusty but the spirit flexes more easily with what is,
and opens to the “other” and to what they hold most dear.

I say, I am the stranger now,
I am the one who melts into the pleasure her body offers,
not to wield power or to prove to that little voice in the head,
once and for all, that I am worthy.
But strange enough that such pleasure can exist without the pain of guilt or culture.

Strange too, that I find myself awakening to the stranger who shares my bed,
releasing the grip of “knowing”
that keeps me from seeing what drives him or warms his heart, now.
I grant myself the permission to discover him again, anew.

Strange that I should show up at all,
and take full ownership of my birth right to dance,
to create, laugh and spin,
weaving the thread that connects me to the unchartered future me,
a stranger after all.
Showing up without the burden of being what others want me to be.

And above all, strange that I live no longer with the comfort and illusion of immortality.
This is it.
Time here, looking through these beginner’s eyes, is finite.
Not an endless hero’s journey but one that must and will come to an end,
making this time now
strangely precious.

And finally, strange that each moment’s birth and death feels more treasured and poignant,
that there’s no way to honor them all,
but that I want to honor them at all,
is new to me.

All-Out Ego Smackdown

Wow, what a week.  Started off the weekend with what felt like an All-Out Ego Smackdown.  When I thought for sure, Ego was gonna win this round, I put an all-stop on the action and conducted an unofficial forensic investigation into the event in-question.  Then and only then, could I see what had been the culprit the whole time– my unwillingness to take responsibility for the entire interaction.  That’s when Ego softened its icy grip around my heart and allowed me to melt into my own vulnerability.

I seem to be in, what I hope, are the last throes of this internal struggle called, “Needing to Look Good.” You know the one, right?  The times you’d rather fit in than stand out, the places where you go along to get along, or even let those perfectionist tendencies  play the Dominatrix in your life.

When I look at what drives those weird and wacky behaviors stirred up by Ego, the first thing I do is try not to take them so freakin’ seriously!  After all, that’s just the mind, the Ego, doing it’s very best to keep me from stretching, growing and transforming.  Given what I want to accomplish in life, that smallness simply WILL NOT DO! It’s out of line, out of order and frankly, quite useless.

Sometimes, doing a forensic examination is exactly what’s needed.  Though I sometimes struggle with second-guessing myself, it can be very useful to conduct an informal investigation into those conversations I have with people that somehow, just feel off a notch or two.  What I’ve found is, if they feel that way, my instinct is probably right.

The challenge is not to play the judge, jury, prosecutor and defense attorney, all at the same time! In moments like these, I think what works is to simply be a witness and witness your own precious life with the compassion of a Master.  Always be on the look-out for clues where Ego has left its tell-tale signs.  You know the ones, but just in case, here’s a checklist:

- Righteousness

- Justification

- Judgment

- Victim-I-zing

- Cynicism

- Indignation

- Self-pity

- Relentless mental flogging

Then, take a deep breath and thank your Ego for its attempts to guide you in the only ways it knows how.  After all, it’s always doing the best it can!  Allow your heart to fill with the gratitude for this moment you were resisting all along. The one where you get to recommit to loving you. We are never required to make giant, radical leaps from the ego to the spirit- instead, we can simply allow for the experience, knowing the Ego is there to serve us, not the other way around.  Oftentimes just the simple, gentle recognition is all that’s needed to make the shift into a newer, mightier perspective! So yeah, me and my Ego, we’re getting along better these days. Maybe even learning to be friends…

Truth and Dare

Have you ever watched a performer just try too hard to please their audience?  It’s embarrassing, isn’t it?  Sometimes you can see the purple bulge of their veins as they try and charm you, impress you, maybe even shock you, into loving and adoring them.

Usually it just doesn’t work.

Have you ever experienced anyone doing that in your life?  Trying to impress you with their fabulous offer?  Trying ever so hard to convince you of their knowledge and skill?  Working their mojo to bowl you over with compliments in order to get something from you?  Or maybe they just want to make sure you know that they were the ones behind that latest and greatest idea?

Or… maybe you’ve been that person, once or twice?

Unfortunately, trying to prove yourself to others, no matter how elegant your methods, usually results in the opposite of what you’re trying to achieve.    It’s the ego’s way of trying to compensate for that internal voice we all have, the one that shouts, “Excuse me? Uh… who do you think you FRICKIN’ ARE??!”  So you cover it up, and shove yourself in front of people, masking that horrible feeling of inadequacy until you have fooled even your own sad self into believing that you just might be that person you’re pretending to be.

So let’s just say, you’ve managed to get off that train.  You know, the train destined for a head-on collision with a cosmic wake-up call of epic proportion.  Let’s say that train’s track switched in your head just in time to avoid a very messy collision.  Instead, you do the internal work that turns on a different kind of light inside of you.  The light leads you to see the beauty of who you really are, just AS you really are. Right now.  And let’s just say that you are able to quiet the nasty little voice of the ego long enough to entertain the possibility that this light might actually be shining on the actual truth of who you are – you just gotta claim it.

This claiming thing is really easier than you might think.  All you have to do is recognize that you can claim the truth of who you are, and that claiming is a choice.  Most people are a little slow in discovering who they are.  They think they have to figure themselves out, fix their weaknesses, pay their dues and suffer endlessly while trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations.  I know.  I’ve done it.

But I’m here to invite you to another way of being in the world.  It’s the place of claiming who you are, not like a huge “shout from the rooftops” kind of claiming, but more like a quiet confidence that oozes out your pores when you can fully accept yourself as you are.  How about it?

So, consider this a game of truth or dare. You game?

I dare you to embrace the truth and shine the light on the glistening beauty of your own magnificence.  Ah yes. Radiate, illuminate, ruminate, marinate in the light of your unique is-ness. Claim yourself and step into the glorious body of being who you are meant to be, without the need to push or prove.  I dare you: step into your truth.

“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.”
- Chinese Proverb

An Invitation

To find stillness in the midst of all rhythm
Where you’ve reached the edge, and still
Keep moving.
In stillness.

Can you be with the still small voice?
The pregnant moment?
The still waters that run so deep?

Drop your pin line to the still center point.
Can you feel the gift inside chaos?
Where the stillness yawns,
Filling the healed void?

Can you blend with the stillness of another?
And be in the presence of their being?
Without any other need,
No need to flow or bind, release or hold on?

Where can you be still,
as you Be in Action?
And allow the slow burning ember
of your commitment and creation,
Be the fuel for action.
And the flame of your burning desire,
be enough.

Nothing

From nothing, I came.
From nothing, I am.
From nothing, I speak.
From nothing, I act.

Without history or reason,
belief or denial,
I am a clearing for all that is yearning to be.
I am a clearing for all possibility.

Thoughts will come and
thoughts can go.
But to nothing I return,
and from nothing I emerge.

For nothing is the space between
the Divine spark.
The rest between two notes.

Nothing asks for nothing
and gets nothing in return.
A pureness of reciprocity.

From nothing the wave rises
and to nothing the wave falls.
From calm to storm to calm again.

From nothing the cloud forms, lightning strikes and
rain falls.
Followed again by the clearing, static-free sky.

From nothing my purest heart speaks
and these words on this page came.

And though words fill up your head
and may move your heart and stir your soul,
these too, return like you,
to nothing.

So let us celebrate this nothingess.
So that this space and peace and rest
may arise
and dissolve,
from nothing.
To nothing.

To Connect or Disconnect, That is the Question

It’s a curious thing, I’ll tell ya, this new age of social networking. I’m tweeting, I’m posting, I’m commenting, I’m following, I’m being followed, I’m adding, I’m blogging, I’m searching, I’m sharing, I’m giving lots of little “thumbs ups” and “I like” kudos.

Now that I’m Twitter-ing, Facebook-ing, blogging and emailing more these days, the potential is there every day to spend a ridiculous amount of time at the computer.  I log on to check my Facebook, warm cup of coffee in hand. An hour later… I’m still here, coffee gone cold, a cramp in my ass.   Seems Facebook challenges some of our, say… compulsive tendencies?

Like anything, this social networking phenomenon has its dark and light qualities. It’s not all “bad!”  I notice I’m writing more these days. I find the 140-character Twitter experience an opportunity to actually become a better writer and make points more concise and clearer. I feel more connected and in touch with many of the people I care about than I did before this new age of networking washed over my life.

However, this is how I enter the “Danger Zone” when it comes to social networking: I find that the more time I spend connected to these sites, the less time I’m actually connected to myself, the things I want and even the things I value.

You know, it’s a perplexing paradox we’ve only now had to acknowledge: with every tweet, post, update, comment, note, kudos and quiz, are we connecting or disconnecting?

I don’t know about you, but for me, it’s way TOO easy to be distracted by everything else that’s going on in those virtual spaces and forget to connect to the real space around me.

Maybe you also find yourself swept up and away by these distractions. Maybe you’re immune.   Interestingly, when I lost electric power for over three hours a couple of weeks ago, I reluctantly realized the beauty of being unplugged and, as a beautiful bi-product, ended up reconnecting with what was important to me.  I’ve since committed to being “off the grid” at least 3 hours per day.

It’s just one of the many opportunities I get each day to reclaim my life. And so I ask, dear reader, where and how do you need to reclaim your life?  What steps are you willing to take to do so?  Are you connected or disconnected?

If you’re anything like me, connection and disconnection is a colorful, oscillating, see-sawing garden variety that needs to be ‘kept in check’ on a regular basis.

For me, it boils down to balance and intention. I find that it’s important to be clear about my intentions for each communication channel.  Oh, there’s that wonderful word: intention.

What is my intention and is the time and energy I’m spending in this vortex (or vacuum) in line with that intention?  Without the clear and specific intention, time slips away and I’m no closer to what I want.

So I try to keep in mind each day… there’s Facebook and there’s facetime. There’s Twitter and there’s talking.  There’s cyber-life and there’s real life. There’s virtual reality and there’s, well… reality.  I know where I want to do most of my living, thank you. What about you?

When I asked this a.m., what does Soul-Mind want to say…

You are alive and juicy and ready to pop.

You are movement and poetry and you’ll never stop.

‘Cause if the world should end before you get it right,

The world’s still a better place

for the sight and sound and the joy you spread around.

You should love you, but it’s okay.

‘Cause if you don’t, I’ll love you anyway.

And in the dark of night and the glare of day,

you’re held by those moments

when it seeps out of your pores and lights the way.

 

See, Love has to speak. To you. For you.

To all the funny-looking people you pretended weren’t you.

To all the angry people you thought hated you.

‘Cause its then, in those moments,

you watch it melt away.

The costume drops, the frozen mask melts.

 

Yes, those brief aha’s land one by one

 and settle in your heart.

Like now. And become your art.

When Soul Mind flies your true colors.

When “One Mind, One Heart and One love” is the song begun long ago

and forever sung each time it’s begun.